yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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