well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
