Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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