hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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