I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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