I wish I could teleport
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
