Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
