God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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