I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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