I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
