I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
