I didn't shave. On purpose
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
