I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
