That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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