I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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