Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
