I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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