In America we eat man semen.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
