he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I would fuck him just for his dog
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
