just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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