May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
