One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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