The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
