Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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