I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
