I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
