did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
