Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
