she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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