Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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