you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
