it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
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They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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