She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
