Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
