That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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