i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
