Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
