He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
