I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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