you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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