Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
