When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
