I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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