I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We're too hungover to prance.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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