everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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