what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
