My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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