YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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