dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I want is dick and wine.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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