Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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