as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
