this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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