Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
time to smoke my breakfast
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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