i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He felt like a one man threesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Enjoy the penises
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
