I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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