I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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