physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
