that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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