okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
areolas are like halos for boobs.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
