So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
