On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize