Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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