I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
