If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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