she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize