He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
