Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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