I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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