Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
