man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
